Current mood:

guilty

Why can't I relate to people without being an offensive b*tch? I'm too bleeping honest.
A little background: this guy contacted me through Facebook a few weeks ago. I messaged him a bit on Facebook, but he kept trying to pressure me into a telephone conversation (saying things like "a phone convo would mean so much more"), even after I said I hated phone calls, especially with people I didn't know well. He left me a message that said only *sigh* and I never responded. A month or so later he IMed me out of the blue because my screen name was on his buddy list, not really remembering who I was. I didn't remember him either, so I gave him a chance since I thought he might have been someone I physically met during orientation. We chatted because I get a massive wave of guilt if I ignore somebody and it wasn't a bad conversation. Eventually, he wanted me call him. I kept stalling, because I didn't want to give out my number to someone I didn't quite trust. Even though my number is on Facebook, he'd stopped using the site, and I didn't like the idea of giving the number specifically to him. After some pressuring (it felt like pressuring to me), I let him leave me a voicemail, but I stalled on meeting up with him. A day or so later we IMed again and he asked if I liked him. I said I did as a friend, and then he got annoyed and we stopped talking, since he wanted more. Until, tonight when he IMed me again to have this conversation:


(20:32:50) bouncer guy: hi
(20:33:13) Me: hi
(20:33:20) bouncer guy: how goes
(20:33:34) Me: fine. u?
(20:33:40) bouncer guy: doing well
(20:33:42) bouncer guy: what r u doing?
(20:33:48) Me: nm u?
(20:34:02) bouncer guy: chilling
(20:34:10) bouncer guy: i want to see u
(20:35:07) Me: i don't think i'm comfortable w/ that right now b/c last time you said you didn't want to be just friends and i'm only interested in friendship
(20:35:29) bouncer guy: ill pick u up we can chill
(20:36:04) bouncer guy: friends is fine
(20:36:26) Me: pick me up? not tonight?
(20:36:31) Me: *confused*
(20:36:33) bouncer guy: yeh pick u up tonight
(20:36:41) bouncer guy: ill bring u back
(20:36:45) bouncer guy: at least we can talk
(20:36:49) Me: um...i
(20:37:34) Me: i'm a mess right now
(20:37:42) bouncer guy: what do u mean
(20:38:24) Me: i look awful and don't feel that well
(20:38:36) bouncer guy: looks dont matter
(20:38:38) bouncer guy: ill make u feel better
(20:38:44) bouncer guy: i have that effect on people
(20:38:56) Me: um...your physical prescene won't cure my cold
(20:39:08) bouncer guy: ill get u medicine
(20:39:11) Me: there is no cure for the common cold
(20:39:18) bouncer guy: yeh there is
(20:39:24) Me: and i don't like cold medicine unless i'm desperate
(20:39:33) bouncer guy: aright well i wanna see u
(20:39:39) bouncer guy: and i think if u see me u will feel better
(20:39:46) Me: cold medicines suppress symptoms they don't cure things
(20:39:58) Me: i'm sorry but seeing you right now is way too sudden
(20:40:07) bouncer guy: um no it isnt
(20:40:11) bouncer guy: i gave u the heads up weeks ago
(20:40:18) bouncer guy: u said u were busy etc etc
(20:40:30) bouncer guy: uve had time to acclimate
(20:40:34) Me: then you said you didn't want to be just friends and i lost interest b/c i don't wanna date right now
(20:40:51) bouncer guy: aright well lets chill
(20:41:16) Me: look tonight is bad i'll just be irritable
(20:42:14) bouncer guy: so thats fine whatever
(20:42:16) bouncer guy: see me at least
(20:43:11) Me: why do you want to see me so badly?
(20:43:44) bouncer guy: cause i havent gotten to
(20:43:57) Me: so?
(20:44:03) bouncer guy: thats why
(20:44:52) Me: haven't you found somone else to pursue? i know you want to date and i don't and i'm still a little weirded out b/c i don't know you - just being honest here
(20:45:18) bouncer guy: whatever
(20:45:19) bouncer guy: u offend me
(20:45:24) Me: sorry :(
(20:45:32) Me: i've had issues in the past
(20:45:46) bouncer guy: im the nicest person at [name of college]
(20:45:47) bouncer guy: but whateva
(20:46:13) Me: i'm sorry i offended you
(20:46:20) Me: have a nice night


The hypocritical part is that I did have a boyfriend in the weeks I didn't hear from him, but at least I knew that guy in real life. Call me old-fashioned, but I don't like the idea of meeting someone I met first online, until I know them fairly well. Also, is it wrong of me to have been creeped out and not want to suddenly hang out with a guy I've never seen? I'm irritable, possibly coming down with a cold, and am irrationally detecting hopeful flirt-vibes in "ill make u feel better". It's not exactly a combination that makes me want to engage in spontaneous meetings with mostly-unfamiliar guys.

I am so socially inept! Argh! I feel guilty for ignoring people even when they creep me out, but I have no problem telling said people that they creep me out. Illogical much?

Though isn't saying you're the nicest guy on campus rather presumptuous? Isn't that arrogant and almost guilt-trippy?

I do have issues trusting guys who want to hang out with me; I automatically assume they'll try something. To be fair, the two guys who have sought out my presence (ex-boyfriend and this one) have expressed dating interest at some point. Am I a horrible person? Yes, I am.